Cosmo’s blog

A new definition - community calling

Mar 15, 2009
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This past weekend, I got to reconnect with two friends in Houston. We've been friends for a long time. Some since college. Another person half my life. We talked about a lot of different things - spiritual stuff, family, etc. As we talked about recreating ourselves, one friend mentioned that of all people, I probably recreated myself the most after college. Most people recreate themselves when they transition from high school to college. I took another transition after I graduated as well.

What I really enjoyed about this group of friends is that we can talk with depth to our conversations as well. We talked about Lent and the entire giving up thing - as well as the what are we doing. We can be honest about how hard it is to "prioritize" doing the "spiritual" stuff like praying.

As we chatted over brunch, there was one dialogue that I found really interesting and resounded. One friend talked about how he was talking to a missions admissions person. He and his wife felt like they were called to a people but not necessarily a place. So the missions admin person talked about how sometimes it's not really a place either, btu sometimes people are called more to a "team." There was the idea of how God places you to work with certain people - the team dynamics. Supposedly 50% of attrition from missions comes from people not interacting well with their team.

So admin said that they have a candidacy program, where people interact with various teams - working various places, various strategies, various places, etc - and then some times people just find others intriguing and they invite them to their team or they want to be mentored or learn in one of those environments.

There's this thought that calling was something of a God whispering to you thing. My friends and I have never had a burning bush or God whispering at us in the middle of the night experience. But what I found interesting about this other idea of calling is that sometimes God calls you to a community or a vision. Things are always easier to describe or correlate looking backwards. I think for me - there was this community aspect of Vox. Or maybe pre-Vox. I'm not one of those cool indie music on the cutting edge of culture people, but I knew that I wanted to stay in Austin after I graduated. I can't believe I've been here for 10 yrs now. But I would say that there is calling to be part of my community - the families (esp kids) that I love, the tough decisions we've had to make, the amazing ways we've looked back and seen God provide in the short and long term - pretty much every location we've landed at in these 10 yrs. There's something cool about this concept of a community calling - the affirmation comes with how you connect with you and your personal vision/goal/direction. The affirmation comes from people asking you to partner with them or be their friends. Truly a sense of God using the community around you to speak that purpose.

I know I'm really not communicating this as well as my friend put it, but there were all these ideas flowing through my head - the calling of the people I've gotten to work with at various stages of my working career, etc. It's really beautiful. A true sense of knowing why I am where I am and feeling good about it. In a sense then, there's this connection to calling and your personal community. Like maybe if you're not gelling with a certain group of people, then maybe you shouldn't be there - be it your job, your church, etc. I think about how Peter and Paul went various ways. I think about how Barnabas and Titus were asked to be partners with certain people instead of others - it's not necessarily right/wrong, but more of how we're wired to best help those around us. It's an amazing idea. A community calling.

A fresh breath of air

Mar 7, 2009
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It's weird. I've felt like a different person in the last month or so. I think I've gone through one of those huge transitions in life. I knew I was that person that had gotten over the hump of getting a job. I had gotten over the hump of figuring out to do with my time and money. I had learned that there are several avenues for expression of my values - beyond my work.

So since quitting, I spent some time with Chris, Colleen, Gen, and Zachy. There's something so special about getting to be that favorite uncle. Waking up to my tiny little niece walking into my room. Brushing teeth next to each other. Gen has this tiny little voice - much like Jocie. Although Gen's vocabulary hasn't quite development. Her speech is still hard to decipher at times, but it's a cool experience hearing her ask you to play "hide n seek" or go to the "lidding room" to play, and then when she finishes a puzzle or does something good - the elation of "I did it!" I loved putting Gen down for a nap. It was absolutely amazing.

I got a lot of time to sit back and admire. You could easily tell that Chris loved being home with the family and wishes that he could spend every waking moment with the kids. There was so much meaning in him being part of Gen's daily routines - giving her a bath, brushing teeth, taking her to school. You could tell that the commitment of love was there as Colleen and Chris would barely get any sleep as they rotated taking care of the kids as they woke up throughout the nite.

I got to hang around Colleen while she got a Valentine's card for Chris. There's something priceless about running around a playground with your niece - then she stops turns around and with arms wide open says, "Help, Uncle Brian."

Zachy is probably the most happy baby I've seen. Smiling at random strangers without effort. He's like a baby Buddha. Just chubby and happy. There's something so beautiful about family. I've never enjoyed running in a 10 x 10 circle "chasing" my niece so much. There is nothing that gives such perspective and depth to my world.

So I returned to Austin to work, and things got better too. I used to work off of 4-5 hrs of sleep. I couldn't sleep more than that. Now my body allows me to sleep longer and it even gets upset when I don't get enough sleep. I've started to go to the gym more. I've started to cook at home more - and that even includes vegetables - roasted peppers a few times, steamed broccoli another, etc.

I feel like I had a fresh breath of air. There's something about cool crisp air that I have always loved - feeling and sensing it move in and out of you. We're always breathing but usually we don't notice unless we can't breathe because of allergies or if we're out of breath. But there's beauty in the moments where you "slow" down your world and take the time to breathe deeply with awareness of what it does to you and your surroundings. I feel like a new person.

I'm moving in time, and I'm excited at what that can mean for me - running or biking to work, being close to so many places to volunteer. I think I'd like to spend some time volunteering at the hospital. I think there is something special about perspectives when you're around people in the hospital - the emotions of hope, fear, sadness, joy, etc. I think it can capture and remind people of the importance of life.

Sometimes people recreate themselves in college or after their 1st job. I feel like I've kind been given another chance to change again. I want to learn again. I want to breathe again. I feel like I was consumed in work, and now I've come out of a cave and I'm fascinated again with all around me - remembering some things and discovering new things. It's a good day.

Living up to her name

Feb 6, 2009
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A few weeks ago, Sam and I were having lunch. We were talking about language, names, etc. As he shared about his desire for his 2nd kid's name to have great meaning, he said that he felt like Jocie really "lived up to her name" - Joy.

I got to have the great honor of watching her the other day. It was probably one of the most heart warming days I've had in awhile. My last few days of employment were filled with some rather questionable conversations that happened behind my back. Things didn't exactly end quietly so I needed some peace away from work or even throwing things away from work.

So I asked Carol about taking Jocie out. I was in for a day filled with positivity. So I got Jocie around 11am. The day started off with her huge smile and hug. She showed me her favorite Kung-Fu panda move - the butt thrust. She had a cute exchange with Carol of "See you later, Alligator. In awhile Crocidile." As we left, even though Carol couldn't hear her, Jocie waved bye and said, "Bye Mom, I love you." Something cool about seeing kids express love to their parents.

We went off to visit Jim and Gretchen. As we were driving she goes, "I like Gretchen. I like Jim." After getting a flower from Jim, she proceeded to stuff it in people's faces for them to smell. She posed for pictures for Gretchen - loving her flower.

Jocie is a climbing machine at the park. She really has no fear of falling or anything. You really don't have to chase her or anything. A few times she would ask for help on a swing, but otherwise very self-sufficient. Sometimes kids have so much fun, I'm thinking, "Man, I hope they're ok when it's time to leave." Jocie was easy. I asked if she wanted to get lunch and we were set to go.

She played with a dog while we ordered at P. Terry's. Tiny little Jocie took her time eatting her burger and fries. At the end, she was holding a fry while talking to me, and then a bird actually swooped by and grabbed the fry. She was starting to get upset because that was the last fry, but I quickly changed gears - "It's ok because after we finish eating here, we're going to get . . ."

"ICE CREAM!"

I tried to be "healthier" by going the gelato route at Whole Foods. A cool surprise was that when we paid, the lady asked if Jocie wanted any stickers. Who could say no? Stickers are always a great plus for kids. It's always funny talking to kids - or rather hearing what they say. Out of the blue from eating gelato, Jocie busts into a "I like to move it move it" song - closing off by telling me that it's from Madagascar.

As we made our way home, she wanted to see Sam. Hilarious and cute, she told Sam that she wanted him to go to her house - Sam played with her reminding her that it was their house together. Sam told her that he still had some work to do. He had some meetings. So she asked him to only talk a little bit. She cried as we left Space12 and had this cute whimper to herself. When I picked her up out of the car, she was so exhausted, she put her head on my shoulder (the blob move) - it's the most comforting feeling anyone can ever have from a kid. I easily transitioned her to her bed for a nap. A few comforting words from Carol, and Jocie was out cold.

I could vent all my frustrations about work and life to friends. Sure that would get things out of my system. I think that helps some people, but sometimes you end up a bitter person repeating the story over and over again. I really enjoyed the day because I wasn't venting. I wasn't letting the past get to me. I was fully in each moment of joy with Jocie. Laughing on the inside. Agreeing with her positive comments. When a little girl says, "I'm beautiful." how can you not respond by saying, "Yes, you are beautiful!"

It's one thing to come to a place of peace with the world and rest. It's another thing to be in a place of joy.

Moving forward

Jan 3, 2009
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I haven't written here in awhile, or at least nothing that I've made public. A lot of people write about their past year and their resolutions or thoughts as they move forward in life. I can't quite capture everything here. If anything, I find that as I've grown older that I've started to enjoy learning a lot more - not learning from a text, but more from varying experiences - my own or learning from other people's triumphs and failures. I've found myself more "emotionally available" as well.

Regardless of how long I've been a manager, there are people that you hire that are different than what you thought at the interview - in both the positive and negative way. One of my joys of work is that I operate in a way where I want my partners to be relaxed - relaxed enough not only to be able to tell me anything on their mind, but also that they can make fun of me. I've learned a lot this year - probably more from the partners I supervise more than my peers or my supervisors.

This has been a year of complete cuteness from the kids. Gen not only walks but she can talk. Even though I think she thinks "Favorite Uncle = Brian" is just like how you point at a color and say red, I'll accept my position as a given fact. At home, we were looking at all our cell phones - the wallpaper for everything is Gen. On top of Gen, I got a cute little baby Buddha nephew in Zachy. The joy of children is not just in my nuclear family. I have tremendous joy in looking at Jensen and Jennifer's monthly updates of Sophia growing. There is this overwhelming feeling of peace and joy around that family. Love abound and this wonderful awe at every step of Sophie's development.

Gretchen and I had this conversation awhile back. Kids grow up. They become too heavy to hold or they start playing more violently, etc. They basically go through stages where you're their babysitter and friend - to simply ust another adult in the room. I still remember the days of watching Joshua and Noah - putting Noah down to bed. Taking Zachy and Noah to the park as they "shot each other." Those boys are so much more grown up now. Noah still will run to me and give me a big hug. But times change and . . . your favorites at church change. Indeed, Gabby is still mega cute, especially with her squeaky shoes, but the person that really is a diamond in the rough is Justice. Addison and Justice are just two amazing boys. Addison has his big eyes and long hair. Justice is pretty much everyone's friend. He'll share anything. He'll let anyone hold him and he'll just point where he wants to go. I remember that Thanksgiving was a hectic time, but just getting to hold him for a few minutes at Thanksgiving gave me a great sense of peace.

This year has been marked with great food as well. Pete's experiments has resulted in wonderful food for the entire house - filet mignon, smoked pork, halibut, diver sea scallops, amazing choc chip cookies, a breakfast hash, etc. I haven't eaten so well in ages.

I've become friends with some of the most interesting people. Either deepening some friendships and finally getting to know others. I feel honored to know such cool people like Thomas and Heather Davis. I'm always humbled by being around Teddy - the ultimate renaissance man that can carry a great conversation on anything while keeping you engaged and participating. Bruce Hall - the most admirable 63 year old guy I know - I can only aspire to be as caring and generous as him as I get older. Paul and Larina - one awesome couple. Nothing like doing some manual labor together and crazy eating to build a friendship.

___________

I don't know if I have any resolutions. There are some things that I've realized. I think I have to flesh out what it means for me to take care of myself. Working 12 hrs straight and going to volunteer for another few hours is not healthy. I'm trying to learn how to breath more. I'm trying to learn how to be again more - simply being. A long time ago, I started reading "Grace Eventually" - Anne Lamott. Simple stories. Not a textbook hero or anything. Just living life simply - not necessarily a eco-green, save the world, and reduce your carbon footprint book. Just simple reading about small life stories. I kind of miss that. So I bought the book and began again.

There's that term people have used before that no one knows what it means - spiritual formation. I'm trying to figure out that stuff again. Not for the sake of consistency but for rythmns of life, I'd like to figure out stuff like prayer, rest, eating, etc. I realized a few months ago that some people have the "luxury" of winding down before they sleep. They read a book or what not. I've been going so fast that I only know one way of going to bed - "dead dog tired."

As the economy has taken a hard hit, people are being hurt financially. I've been amazingly blessed to be at a store that is still doing really well. A definite blessing from God. I feel fortunate to have such job security. Not just that they need to have a manager at SBUX, but that my results are still strong in this economy - even within the city of Austin's SBUX mine has survived a lot. It's weird to be blessed like that - the favor of God over you and your work.

I have become more and more thankful at meals. Realizing how much I have - to get to choose what I want, to have as much as I want (and more). Daily sustenance coupled with abundance and favorable options - crazy.

No good closing thought today. Just thoughts. I am a thankful person to be in community with people. To share in the joy of other people that have kids. To share in the pain and triumph of conflict. To be the lucky one that gets to hear a story instead of living it to learn a deep lesson. I am glad to be where I am and I look forward to whatever moving ahead can mean.

Hating your hobby

Oct 23, 2008
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Yesterday I felt sick. So jacked up sick. I was at work, and everything was fine. Then around noon, I started to not feel as well. I told Bruce just so no one would be surprised if I ran to the bathroom or anything. Ilissa said I looked bad, and Kris said I looked pale . . . not good signs.

I'm not sure how I got home. It was all a mess to me. I had a massive headache and felt a little dizzy standing up. Oh dear, it horrible. Looking at the TV didn't help, and I really didn't have an appetite for food. I was upset, but I was too sick to be upset. I was upset that what is one of my favorite activities - eating - was out of question. It was one of those times that I knew it wasn't safe for me to drive. I knew I should eat something, but I also felt like puking anything in me.

Enoch happened to feel kind of sick too, but he was good enough to get around. He made some soup that I was able to down later. I ended up sleeping 9 hrs - a record for me in awhile. Working in the morning, usually I get 5-6 hrs. Not working, I usually can't sleep more than 6 hrs. So this was amazing.

But I must say,it's torture when you enjoy food but can't. I couldn't watch the food network. I couldn't even look at the magazine of cooking classes that I wanted to attend. It's sad when not only can you not eat, but the thought of it disgusted you. Talk about being delirious.

I'm really happy to be healthy today and to be able to eat. Health is a very important thing . . . It truly allows you to enjoy other things in life.

Same name different song

Oct 12, 2008
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So the other day, I went to watch Jocie. I knew it was going to be different than watching the boys, but I was amazed how amazingly simple it was. My niece was hard to put down months ago just because she was more attached to my sister in law. It wasn't necessarily me because Gen would even cry herself to sleep when it was my brother (her dad) putting her down.

So instead of trying to "shoot the bad guys," Jocie would go art - drawing on paper, using some stamps (Ariel of course was her fav). There was plenty of reading - Sleeping Beauty - which is a messed up story, Pinnochio, Three Little Pigs, Beauty and the Beast, The Rescuers. You really can just set her up on an art project and she can take care of herself. Of course, we had conversation over her favorite princess Ariel. We talked about Sesame Street - Jocie not only has colors and shapes down, she also can count in Chinese. i think she prefers counting in Chinese rather than English.

Jocie did an awesome job riding her tricycle. At the park, we ran into Noah, Zachy, and Joshua. There was this funky ladder that is curved that Jocie started climbing. I asked if she needed any help. She replied no. Then, Noah looked up and gasped, "WHOA Jocie!" Wey asked, "Noah, can you do that?" Noah still in astonishment goes, "No. Oh no. I'm scared."

I love the Jocie-isms. "Can I watch just a little bit?" - hand in a small fist. "Hey, I have something I want to show you." "Hey, look at this." Once again, little kids can bring an entire world into perspective. Doesn't matter how many hours I worked, who said what in the election (or what's even true), or who won or lost any football game.

Aside from the blessing of being personally challenged to be more generous, loving, caring, wise, etc at Vox, I enjoy getting to know other people's stories. But on top of all that, I'm grateful for the opportunity to not just be a casual observer in the growth of the kids - I get to be hands on every once and awhile. Cosmo is a special name I have a Starbucks, but Uncle Bri is a name that means so much more.

Being an uncle

Jul 17, 2008
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The best days of being an uncle are now. Of course I can always spoil my niece, but it's something to spoil your niece in person. I'm not sure if Gen remembers me from a few months ago, but it didn't take long for my wonderful charm to work on her. It's interesting that for some people, I'll shave to be respectful - i.e. some weddings. For Gen though, I thought she might like my goatee.

It's all about hanging out with Gen. 1st thing in the morning, I peeked into her room to see her - head buried in her bed, butt sticking straight out. Gen has this cute shy little smile. She's so tiny. Almost 2 years old but 18 month clothes are still a little big for her. She's got this quiet little voice - kind of like Jocie. Instead of just running in circles - which is much easier for me since I got longer legs, I decided to slow things down. We played around with Photobooth. Then, instead of just the books, I decided to do image searches on google for various animals - duck, dog, cat, cow. I even included a part of showing Gen was steak and brisket were.

So far I've taught Gen fingers and toes - she moves her fingers or wiggles her toes. I've been trying to teach her words like "awesome" and "obey." Kids are so cute at this age. She loves chatting it up on the phone with her gibberish. I'm sure that in a few days I'll be sick and tired of the Winnie the Pooh song from her little toy car, but until then, it's just part of the wonder and amazement of seeing Gen smile, dance, and laugh. It's the simple things that make me treasure life.

*Special props to Rachel and her good clothing finds. My niece saw the new clothes that I (more like Rachel) got her. She immediately reached for the dress and tried to put it on. She pointed at the Keds and immediately went, "Shoes!" It was like seeing Christmas morning. Kids are amazing.

A mystery meal

Jul 10, 2008
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So I got a call to be a mystery guest at Cheesecake Factory the other day. So Pete and I met there for lunch. He got the Cajun Jambalaya Pasta and I got the Hungarian Beef Goulash. Both pretty good dishes. I thought our server was pretty good - Melissa. She had a good cordial humor along with professionalism. I couldn't put my finger on her accent - NY/New Jersey like. Being Mr. Productivity, I thought they were pretty efficient. Everything was pretty good until the end . . .

There was only one downside. So I had to go to the bakery and ask a question to test their knowledge. So I asked how fresh the cheesecakes were. I was thinking something like a day or two. So the guy tells me that they're all made in California and then sent to all these locations frozen. When they arrive, they are 2-4 weeks old, but frozen, they can last for 6-8 months. I was shocked. I'm not sure I can get another cheesecake there. I am so much more drawn to the smaller mom and pop bakeries now . . .

I am a monster

Jul 2, 2008
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Why am I a monster? I simply had not eaten all day. It was a crazy day - constant work. But even more, it was emotionally draining to hear that 600 SBUX stores were closing - some potentially in my region. I'm 99% sure that I'm safe. So I'm driving home after too long of a day. I decide to redeem my free Papa John's pizza. - free medium 1 topping.

You only hear about this in sit coms of pissed off girlfriends/wives eating an entire carton of ice cream or something. Me - I ate the entire pizza. I just started going at it while I was watching TV. Before I knew it, I was asking Matt if he wanted the last piece before I devoured it all. My stomach is like the pit of despair.

The little role you play

Jun 24, 2008
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I wasn't "supposed" to be at work again. I was there for a shift supervisor meeting, and then I wanted to spend some extra time with my ASM. As we came back from lunch, one of my partners was sitting on the patio. She told me that the group of people inside the store were the family of one of our regulars that passed away. I put up my stuff and got my assistant to tend to the 1:00pm interview as I went to talk to the family.

I simply introduced myself and told them that I was so sorry to hear about their loss. I asked if we could do anything for them - take care of coffee and pastries at the funeral or anything. Stephanie's mom almost burst into tears. She gave me a big hug. She was struck by the gesture.

You see Starbucks was one of this things that Stephanie just did all the time. I could tell because her husband and friends all had Starbucks tumblers too. Stephanie's husband said that you'd sometimes see him more than her because he would go out and get Starbucks for her. Her mom showed me a button with Stephanie's picture and their dog. They would swing by Starbucks and Petsmart.

So why were they at my Starbucks? Because they were trying to ease some pain, and they remembered always going to our Starbucks with Stephanie. We were a piece of that healing process. Something to bring back some good memories. Stephanie's mom and I got to chat a little. I thanked them for coming in and letting us be a part of their lives. She thanked us for what we mean and the simple gesture of offering and asking if we could do anything for them. I told them how it was an honor to get to meet them and to get to serve people like Stephanie every day. We talked about how at the core, it's not the coffee and all, but rather the people - and we would miss Stephanie as well.

I can't begin to express how that entire conversation felt. Instead of "the manager" at the Starbucks, I felt like part of the family. I practically lost my composure with the family. I have a series of stories I share with partners during First Impressions and the Customer Care module about how we're in the people business serving coffee. This is definitely something that I add in there. We get a few people at our store that are visiting relatives at the hospital or going to the funeral home up the road. But it's another thing when your every day regular passes away - even more when their every day job is saving other people's lives . . .

I didn't expect any of that today when I was going to work. I was just expecting some great development conversations with my ASM and giving some good energy and excitement to them. We talk about our customers and what they're saying or thinking of us in our customer voice surveys. Sure that's part of what I'm rated on, but today's experience reminds me once again of the real reason it matters how we connect with our customers - that human connection.