This past weekend, I got to reconnect with two friends in Houston. We've been friends for a long time. Some since college. Another person half my life. We talked about a lot of different things - spiritual stuff, family, etc. As we talked about recreating ourselves, one friend mentioned that of all people, I probably recreated myself the most after college. Most people recreate themselves when they transition from high school to college. I took another transition after I graduated as well.
What I really enjoyed about this group of friends is that we can talk with depth to our conversations as well. We talked about Lent and the entire giving up thing - as well as the what are we doing. We can be honest about how hard it is to "prioritize" doing the "spiritual" stuff like praying.
As we chatted over brunch, there was one dialogue that I found really interesting and resounded. One friend talked about how he was talking to a missions admissions person. He and his wife felt like they were called to a people but not necessarily a place. So the missions admin person talked about how sometimes it's not really a place either, btu sometimes people are called more to a "team." There was the idea of how God places you to work with certain people - the team dynamics. Supposedly 50% of attrition from missions comes from people not interacting well with their team.
So admin said that they have a candidacy program, where people interact with various teams - working various places, various strategies, various places, etc - and then some times people just find others intriguing and they invite them to their team or they want to be mentored or learn in one of those environments.
There's this thought that calling was something of a God whispering to you thing. My friends and I have never had a burning bush or God whispering at us in the middle of the night experience. But what I found interesting about this other idea of calling is that sometimes God calls you to a community or a vision. Things are always easier to describe or correlate looking backwards. I think for me - there was this community aspect of Vox. Or maybe pre-Vox. I'm not one of those cool indie music on the cutting edge of culture people, but I knew that I wanted to stay in Austin after I graduated. I can't believe I've been here for 10 yrs now. But I would say that there is calling to be part of my community - the families (esp kids) that I love, the tough decisions we've had to make, the amazing ways we've looked back and seen God provide in the short and long term - pretty much every location we've landed at in these 10 yrs. There's something cool about this concept of a community calling - the affirmation comes with how you connect with you and your personal vision/goal/direction. The affirmation comes from people asking you to partner with them or be their friends. Truly a sense of God using the community around you to speak that purpose.
I know I'm really not communicating this as well as my friend put it, but there were all these ideas flowing through my head - the calling of the people I've gotten to work with at various stages of my working career, etc. It's really beautiful. A true sense of knowing why I am where I am and feeling good about it. In a sense then, there's this connection to calling and your personal community. Like maybe if you're not gelling with a certain group of people, then maybe you shouldn't be there - be it your job, your church, etc. I think about how Peter and Paul went various ways. I think about how Barnabas and Titus were asked to be partners with certain people instead of others - it's not necessarily right/wrong, but more of how we're wired to best help those around us. It's an amazing idea. A community calling.
It's weird. I've felt like a different person in the last month or so. I think I've gone through one of those huge transitions in life. I knew I was that person that had gotten over the hump of getting a job. I had gotten over the hump of figuring out to do with my time and money. I had learned that there are several avenues for expression of my values - beyond my work.
So since quitting, I spent some time with Chris, Colleen, Gen, and Zachy. There's something so special about getting to be that favorite uncle. Waking up to my tiny little niece walking into my room. Brushing teeth next to each other. Gen has this tiny little voice - much like Jocie. Although Gen's vocabulary hasn't quite development. Her speech is still hard to decipher at times, but it's a cool experience hearing her ask you to play "hide n seek" or go to the "lidding room" to play, and then when she finishes a puzzle or does something good - the elation of "I did it!" I loved putting Gen down for a nap. It was absolutely amazing.
I got a lot of time to sit back and admire. You could easily tell that Chris loved being home with the family and wishes that he could spend every waking moment with the kids. There was so much meaning in him being part of Gen's daily routines - giving her a bath, brushing teeth, taking her to school. You could tell that the commitment of love was there as Colleen and Chris would barely get any sleep as they rotated taking care of the kids as they woke up throughout the nite.
I got to hang around Colleen while she got a Valentine's card for Chris. There's something priceless about running around a playground with your niece - then she stops turns around and with arms wide open says, "Help, Uncle Brian."
Zachy is probably the most happy baby I've seen. Smiling at random strangers without effort. He's like a baby Buddha. Just chubby and happy. There's something so beautiful about family. I've never enjoyed running in a 10 x 10 circle "chasing" my niece so much. There is nothing that gives such perspective and depth to my world.
So I returned to Austin to work, and things got better too. I used to work off of 4-5 hrs of sleep. I couldn't sleep more than that. Now my body allows me to sleep longer and it even gets upset when I don't get enough sleep. I've started to go to the gym more. I've started to cook at home more - and that even includes vegetables - roasted peppers a few times, steamed broccoli another, etc.
I feel like I had a fresh breath of air. There's something about cool crisp air that I have always loved - feeling and sensing it move in and out of you. We're always breathing but usually we don't notice unless we can't breathe because of allergies or if we're out of breath. But there's beauty in the moments where you "slow" down your world and take the time to breathe deeply with awareness of what it does to you and your surroundings. I feel like a new person.
I'm moving in time, and I'm excited at what that can mean for me - running or biking to work, being close to so many places to volunteer. I think I'd like to spend some time volunteering at the hospital. I think there is something special about perspectives when you're around people in the hospital - the emotions of hope, fear, sadness, joy, etc. I think it can capture and remind people of the importance of life.
Sometimes people recreate themselves in college or after their 1st job. I feel like I've kind been given another chance to change again. I want to learn again. I want to breathe again. I feel like I was consumed in work, and now I've come out of a cave and I'm fascinated again with all around me - remembering some things and discovering new things. It's a good day.
