I really respect those around me that continue to learn or strive to learn. I was a "good student," but it took me awhile to find things that I love or am interested in learning about or interested in doing.
Luckily these last few evenings have been cooling down around 6ish. So I think I'm going to learn to run again. I want to learn how to bike again. And hopefully, I'll be ready for a sprint tri come April.
I want to "learn to pray" again. Growing up, people tell you that "it's a conversation with God." And I think that's true to a point, but there is something about the prayers that are read at Vox - a collective group prayer that has thought. Harmon gave me a title of a book awhile back. I think what's interesting about some of the selections is that they show a soul - I guess it's like reading a book, studying a culture, hearing a friend's heart.
Over a year ago, a bunch of friends and I did the Human Race training. Sure there was a big promo push and I was in it a lot for the swag. The Human Race is coming around again - not in Austin though. The other day I was dead tired from a 12+ hour day, but I knew that I needed to get some exercise. There's something refreshing about "not thinking" while you exercise.
I feel very grateful to be in a place of rest and great perspective. Many times it is hard to see "the hand of God" or "God" for that matter in the day to day or even month to month. Sometimes you think if you stare/squint hard enough at life that it'll just come to you. Not so much. God has usually shown up best in the conversations I have with friends. The reflections of what has happened in the last few months/weeks or the last time we crossed paths.
So things I am thankful for in no particular order:
1. Work
I'm not just any workaholic. I love what I do. I'm thankful that the right doors opened for me to work at Jamba Juice - getting paid more, less stressed, and generally happier. I lost a few employees but for good reasons - i.e. them finding a job in this economy to do what they want - i.e. one guy that wants to be a personal trainer got a job at Pure Austin. This economy is tough enough to get a job, but I'm thankful for the understanding side of my boss - we can talk through pretty much anything. A few insights here and there, but still letting me grow and have ownership of my decisions. There's freedom in my schedule as well. I've been able to take time off to see family, friends, and even help out a friend that just needed a babysitter for a few hours. God has been good in helping me in my journey of "recovering from being a workaholic"
2. Vox Community
Years ago, I felt like it might have been my time to leave Austin. The kids were growing up. I wasn't asked to watch them as much. I had stepped away from responsibilities to the point that most people don't know that I helped a lot in the past. Things seemed like it would be time for me to find a new place. This past year I even debated Peace Corp. But this year's move to East Austin has been really good. I've been able to ease into conversations about how to live my life purposely. I haven't been forced into anything, but I have a deep sense of responsibility - where am I going to contribute in a positive way. I live close to the high school that was deemed academically unacceptable last yr and close to the middle school that was to close as well. I'm challenged by the fact that most people are working their butts off or finding channels to help - so I'm figuring out which channel to aid.
I've enjoyed the kids and community of Vox even more lately. You gotta love the Seefeldts. What other family has instilled friendship and education so well in their kid that disciplining their kid is telling him that they'll pull him out of school if he doesn't behave. Abner just loves people and loves to share his knowledge. The parents of Vox have really shown great generosity to each other and it shows in their kids - very willing to share.
3. Parents
I've spent some time with my friends lately. Some with new ventures in their lives - moving, children,etc. I have helped watch my friends' kids at times, but I don't think I've been so exposed to the 1st few weeks/months before. And it is tremendously difficult to support - physically/emotionally. I consider myself a robot when it comes to work/rest, but parents with newborns trump my discipline and perseverance. It's so hard. When friends tell you they've given their all, but feel defeated in their ability to provide. Parenthood is extraordinarily difficult. I'm reminded of the times I've seen my friends' kids throw fits, and the parent has tried everything in their being - energy, emotion, etc but is unable to appease the kid - (not just eat/sleep/clean, but friendships/toys, feelings). It's one of the worst feelings in the world as a friend that I can't help. Yet within that is this new blossoming beauty. I feel like I've gotten to see the extent of what man can do, and I can see the beauty of what happens when God shows up.
I love my parents. They went to church until they couldn't contain my oldest brother's cries. At times, my dad traveled a lot. I'm sure there was strain on my mom while he was gone - even with my grandparents around. Yet, I feel like my brothers and I always felt loved and provided for - even to this day. I think kids don't get to see how much their parents loved them until they see their parents act as grandparents. My dad is a crazy man when he sees my niece (his granddaughter). He'd give her anything she shows even semi interest in. He'll start making funny faces and sounds. My mom's gift is the conversation and the freedom. I think she's neither conservative nor liberal -she's understanding. I think I get that piece from her about trying to understand values and other people's expressions of those values. My mom shows good restraint from giving recommendations unless being asked.
I obviously don't have a kid yet. Not even close. A few BIG steps have to happen before I even get close to that. But I feel like these past few days, I've been able to understand that "God the Father" piece a lot more. It's always easier for me to get the Jesus piece earlier - human piece - friend piece. A lot more casual. I think I've always heard a lot of the God as Jesus sacrifice piece, but I feel like I've been more exposed to God as the Father sacrificing piece more lately.
________
It has been a beautiful journey. The latest thing that has been on my mind has a little to do with what's in the news - health care reform, economy, etc. There are single moms living on min wage raising several kids. I've had this crazy idea. What if I lived off less and tried to know what it was like to live like a single mom? What if I lived off less and gave the extra $ to someone else to make things more "equal." I would also be learning what my financial situation would look like if I was either a) dating or b) married as a sole income with kids. I'm not sure what's stopping me right now. I'm trying to figure out what the median income is nationally, statewide, locally, or even within my zipcode. I don't know where to start but that is part of my next step in this exploration of living deep lives of understanding and "connectivity" to community.
